HUMOR

Authorities Give About 10 Ways of an ideal Valentine’s Day|Humor

DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.

The Scoop News has interviewed a handful of romance experts and here are 10 ideas for a surprising, memorable and romantic Valentine’s Day.

Arrange for a fake kidnapping/hostage situation
Nothing brings a couple closer together like a near death experience. Hiring someone to kidnap your significant other for a couple hours or a couple days is a good way to break the monotony of a long term relationship. Whether or not you attempt to rescues your partner depends on you but the key here is to make sure your significant other really believes that they are in serious trouble and may be facing death. If you want to really bring the experience to a memorable end, call the cops on the person you hired to do the kidnapping and tell the police they are armed and very dangerous. That way everyone will be surprised.
– Romance Author, H. L. B. McPherson

Bring home a third
Romance between two people is stale. That shit is so 2003. If you are looking to bring in some excitement on Valentine’s Day go to the bar and pick up some lonely soul to join you in the bedroom. One tip though, make sure the person you pick is kind of gross and, well, generally sketchy. With a third you always run the risk of your significant other falling in love with them and leaving you. So make sure the third is just gross. This time of year there are a lot of homeless people looking for a warm place to sleep, making them a perfect option.
– ProDating co-owner, Frankie Steele

Go to the Holocaust Museum
Remembering the horrific events that led up to and occurred during the Holocaust are important, especially in this political climate. Valentine’s Day is just like every other day so take your significant other to the Holocaust Museum and look, really look, at what can happen when we let our prejudices and fears and hatred take over. On the way home try to make small talk and maybe stop to get something to eat at a restaurant, preferably one owned by a Jewish family, and sit in silence while thinking about the horrors you just saw. I recommend it. I go to the Holocaust Museum on all my first dates.
– Author of “The Perfect Date, the Perfect Love”, Gene Younge

Read the entire Harry Potter series to your significant other in your sexiest voice
Nothing is going to get your partner in the mood like lighting some candles, playing some sexy music and reading from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Nothing is going to turn someone on more than hearing about prepubescent wizards . To really amp up the sensuality, put a lightning shaped scar on or near your genitals and wag them in your partners face every time you read some dialog Voldemort.
– 16 year old video blogger, Giglegoogoo17

Real heart full of candy
Everyone loves to get those big heart shaped boxes filled with chocolates, but those things have been around since the 1920s. This year, surprise your lover with a real heart stuffed with their favorite candy. Sure, dog and cat hearts are easy to come by but remember that the more candy you give them, the more it means you love them. So think about getting your hands on an elephant heart. Or a whale heart, those things are big, right?
– SpeedDater owner, Kristin Horchuck

Bake their favorite pet into a cake
Making something for your partner is a necessity in this day and age. Show you love someone by putting your own time and sweat, though not literally unless that’s what you’re into, into something that was made with your bare hands. The other thing that will ignite your partner’s desire is to involve a beloved pet. So impress your lover and combine these two things by baking your partners favorite pet into a cake. It’s really the best of both worlds. You make a delicious treat that you both can enjoy and you can share it with your favorite former pet.
– Recopies of Love, chef Daryl Nikkotin

Fight another couple to the death
If you want a really, really memorable Valentine’s Day, go online and place a craigslist add for a couple to “swing” with. Then, when they show up, take them to forest and let them know that only one couple is getting out of the woods alive. Fighting side-by-side with your lover in a fight to the death is like nothing else. The two of you will be forever linked at a very deep, basic lever, assuming of course that you are the victors.
– Former exotic dance, Jose Gutierrez

Swap kidneys
Sharing a piece of yourself is hard but it also shows the other person that you value them and that you love and trust them deeply. So this year, share a piece of yourself, literally. Schedule a kidney swap with a local surgeon. The surgeon might not be open to the idea at first so make sure you tell them that you will pay them in cash so they can keep everything off the books.
– Accountant, Sheila Matthews

Sit alone on a chair on the patio drinking whiskey and regretting all the mistakes that led you to that moment, while your significant reads a romance book inside
You probably aren’t happy about a great number of things so instead of doing a half-assed Valentine’s Day date just grab some whiskey and go sit on the patio alone. Think about all the mistakes you made and how your life should be so much better, so much more exciting. Every once in a while look if to your significance other and sigh to yourself knowing that they are one of the biggest mistakes you’ve ever made.
– Bridal Magazine Editor, Giselle Holman

The Scoop News

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