Some kind of execrable office-b*st@#d has scheduled an ‘event’ during the lunch hour, it has been alleged.

Middle manager Matt Haynes has booked a ‘Learn and Lunch’ session for staff at a local firm, despite the disgust-laden wave of silence that barrelled over his initial proposal at Monday’s Team Cuddle.

‘Matt is new and stupid’ explains resident cynic, John. ‘He needs to learn that people here don’t want any meetings at all, never mind some non-mandatory bollocks on how to save someone from a heart attack’ he added candidly.

‘And scheduling it during unpaid hours demonstrates a lack of basic planning not seen since 52% of the voters and some clown-haired idiot put us on a collision course with tinned meals and no paracetamol for 5 years’.

‘There’s no way in sufferi….oh they’re putting sandwiches on? I’m having some of that that then. Doctor in the house, Nee-Nah!, Nee-Nah!’

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