Man convinced he can mend anything with gaffer tape|Humor

Despite never having had any formal medical training, Paul Nowakowski (36) is fairly sure that an amputated thumb can be reattached with a combination of gaffer tape and wood glue. Faced with a DIY ‘accident’ involving a hedge trimmer and innate male stubbornness, Paul is a firm believer in improvised health care – just like […]

Girl Had Face Full Of Zits|Humor

Girl Had Face Full Of Zits|Humor

Kenwood relives the horror A man has told of an incident in Tapon, in which he came face-to-face with a girl who had a face "full of zits" Moys Kenwood, 54, originally from Hull in East Yorkshire, was at home eating his tea at around 7pm last night, when, out of the blue, everything went […]

In/Out Eurovision Referendum Announced|Humor

Britons are to be given a long-awaited chance to leave the Eurovision Singing Bloc after years of humiliation and under-performance. It will be a simple In/Out referendum with hard-core singing strongholds of the UK such as Wales expected to be those most in favour of leaving. Areas with the largest concentration of self-indulgent tossers who […]

Trump Seeking Advice from ‘Independence Day’ President|Humor

Trump Seeking Advice from ‘Independence Day’ President|Humor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Seeking advice, President Donald Trump has been attempting to call the President from the film Independence Day. “The President recently saw Independence Day on tv, (Trump) watches a lot of tv, and was impressed by President Whitmore,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “(Trump) was so impressed that he has […]

“Pull the Plug!” Taxpayer Group wants Comatose State Pensioner Euthanized|Humor

“Pull the Plug!” Taxpayer Group wants Comatose State Pensioner Euthanized|Humor

Sacramento, CA. A group of conservative California taxpayers asked a state court to remove all medical support that now keeps a 101-year-old retired state worker alive in a permanent comatose condition. Their request has sparked renewed debate over the state's growing unfunded pension obligations, with some calling for an end to pensions entirely. Alfonso Perez, […]

Millennials Responsible for Declining Chastity Belt Sales|Humor

Millennials Responsible for Declining Chastity Belt Sales|Humor

BOSTON, MA – A sharp decline in the chastity belt industry is being blamed on millennials. According to a recent article in Chastity Belt Monthly Magazine, millennials are not buying or wearing chastity belts, causing a significant sales decline in the industry. “(Millennial’s views on chastity belts) is quite distressing,” said Chastity Belt Monthly Editor-In-Chief, […]

Anderson Cooper 360 Host, Panelists Stuck in Infinite Loop|Humor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Panelists and the host of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN are stuck in an infinite loop as show producers scramble to get the program back on track. The panelist, Republicans Jason Miller and Alice Stewart, political correspondents Tara Setmayer Jeffrey Toobin, and host Anderson Cooper were debating recent decisions regarding trade tariffs […]

Trump Runner Confounds Four Horsemen of Wile E Mueller Apocalypse|Humor

Trump Runner Confounds Four Horsemen of Wile E Mueller Apocalypse|Humor

MEEP MEEP! BILLINGSGATE POST: Cast against a blue, gray Sonoran Desert sky, the Four Horsemen of Wile E Mueller rode again. In Biblical lore, they were known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction, and Death. These are only aliases. Their real names are Comey, Robenstein, McCabe and the Love Birds. They formed the vortex of the ACME […]

Lessons Cancelled Due To Sports Day Cheering Practice|Humor

Lessons Cancelled Due To Sports Day Cheering Practice|Humor

Dave Vanian at Cheering Practice Afternoon lessons at a school in the Thai capital of Bangkok were summarily cancelled ALL LAST WEEK, after they fell victim to the notoriously-loud activity of Cheering Practice, in preparation for the School Sports Day, which will take place on Monday. Aside from the lessons scheduled to be taught by […]