‘I saw mythical B&Q shop assistant in Margate branch’ claims customer|Humor

Wildlife watchers have descended on B&Q’s Margate branch, following reports that a customer claims to have seen of one of their now almost mythical shop assistants. A BBC Natural History Unit camera crew is also camped out in the car park hoping to capture exclusive footage for David Attenborough’s next project. The shopper, Will Roberts, […]

Reclusive Bannon renounces the ‘Alt-Jedi’|Humor

Steve Bannon has revealed that he left the White House swearing never again to train another Alt-Jedi after the last one went spectacularly bad. A haggard and remorseful Bannon said, ˜The Republican Party was my life, spreading darkness throughout the galaxy, until my last student has proved a terrible disappointment. He has sucked all the […]

Depressed Mould Experiences Back-To-Work Blues|Humor

Depressed Mould Experiences Back-To-Work Blues|Humor

Gary Johnson, a blue and green mould has been depressed for a few days now, after being viciously washed off a mug. The germ form told us ‘I had it on easy street, growing on a white mug, with plenty of sour milk in it, I was there for a couple of weeks, growing and […]

Disney Releasing Alt-Right Edit of The Last Jedi|Humor

Disney Releasing Alt-Right Edit of The Last Jedi|Humor

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hoping to win back white, male Star Wars fans, Disney is releasing a new edit of The Last Jedi with all non-white, male characters removed. “We’ve heard it loud and clear from some of our Star Wars fans, the white male Star Wars fans, that they don’t to see or even hear […]

God Apologizes for High Number of Male Creeps|Humor

HEAVEN – In a statement to the human race, god apologized for an error in his creation model that generated a higher percentage of male creeps than god had intended. “It appears I made an error, a typo if you will, in my algorithm for generating male creeps,” stated god in a press release. “Oops. […]

Trump Still Waiting for Stairs to Start Moving|Humor

Trump Still Waiting for Stairs to Start Moving|Humor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the bottom of a staircase in White House waiting for the stairs to start moving thinking the staircase is an escalator. “Right now we can confirm that the President is standing at the bottom of a staircase in the east wing of the White House […]

‘Despacito’ follow up will be Auld Lang Syne, confirms Bieber|Humor

Justin Bieber has ended months of speculation and feverish anticipation today by confirming that his next single will be a remix of Robert Burns 1788 club classic Auld Lang Syne. The news has been welcomed by millions of people looking for a follow up tune to Despacito, where everyone know the words to the first […]

Brave Tory donors rewarded in New Years honours list|Humor

Dozens of wealthy people who risked losing thousands of pounds in bankrolling the Tory general election campaign have received their well deserved awards in the New Year’s honours list. Brave donors who willingly gave up to £50,000, some of it their own, in order to help other wealthy people are at last being recognised. ‘We […]

Thatcher refused to share Denis with giant panda, archives reveal|Humor

A newly released National Archive file from 1981 has revealed that the then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher tried to put a stop to her husband Denis being used in vital breeding programmes for endangered species, including the giant panda. This action caused consternation in the Cabinet because at that time the UK economy was floundering […]

Corrie theme tune to be new national anthem|Humor

The signature tune to the much-loved soap opera Coronation Street will become Britain’s post-Brexit national anthem according to an announcement from Buckingham Palace. ‘We toyed with that and the signature tune to Eastenders in an attempt to find something that typified the new national mood,’ a palace spokesman said, ‘but Corrie definitely had the edge. […]