Burglars demand ‘more clarity’ about holiday plans from Facebook users|Humor

A spokesman for the burglar community says he appreciates that most Facebook users are ‘admirably candid’ about when the entire contents of their house are there for the taking.  He likes the way they go on for weeks about their upcoming trip abroad and tell their Facebook friends how their 85-year-old neighbour will be ‘keeping […]

Four injured in toenail-clipping accident|Humor

Paramedics have confirmed that four people were treated following a random toenail-clipping in Cheshire yesterday.  Three of the victims are members of the clipper’s family, while the fourth was walking past an open window and just happened to be ‘in the wrong place at the wrong time’, according to experts. ‘We have cautioned a man […]

Boeing unveil ‘mystery plane’ with adequate legroom|Humor

Boeing are set to reveal a revolutionary new plane, that has adequate space inside for adults. Aerospace engineer Chuck Colt Jr, 45, explained how the space required around each seat has for the first time been modelled on a grown-up human, rather than a stunted chimp.  ‘When the Wright brothers first flew their revolutionary plane, […]

Alien space ship had probably passed through UK car-wash say scientists|Humor

Scientists from UCL’s Mullard Space Science Laboratory in Dorking – currently tracking a mysterious cigar shaped vessel as it journeys through our Solar System – now think the distressed looking object may have passed through a car-wash. Scientists had originally thought the object was just an unusual shaped asteroid passing close to earth but now […]

Elvis impersonator admits 42nd birthday probably his last|Humor

As Elvis impersonator Robert Young enters his 43rd year, his commitment to faithfully mimicking his rock’n’roll idol is visibly taking its toll.  ‘I found it hard to match the King’s 26 stone, but by gorging on 25 hamburgers a day washed down by milkshakes, I finally made it’, he says. Determined to give a true […]

Sports Personality of Year to introduce random banter testing|Humor

This year’s Sports Personality of the Year show will trial a new banter testing system, the BBC announced today.  The news comes amidst growing fears that athletes from popular, clubby sports have been able to unfairly game the system for many years by using in-jokes and slight innuendo with the presenters, thought to be worth […]

Row over ‘smell the sausage’ police searches|Humor

A dispute has broken out over advice given to police in England and Wales telling them not to stop and search people because they smell of sausages.  The advice says officers should look at other factors like behavior, concealed sausage-shapes in the trouser-region or whether the suspect is in possession of gravy granules. But some officers, […]

Family Upset Dog Doesn’t Like Christmas Present|Humor

Family Upset Dog Doesn’t Like Christmas Present|Humor

GOLDEN, CO – The Hernandez family dog, Peppers, was unimpressed with its Christmas present this year, angering the family. “How ungrateful? How disrespectful? No respect for us and no respect for Christmas! What would Jesus say?” said Alfredo Hernandez. “We give that dog everything and it just takes us for granted. And then one Christmas […]

Shock as Essex family ‘pleased’ with pop-up Winter Wonderland|Humor

The Bryants, ‘A clan of notorious and litigious complainers’ from Billericay, have stunned local media by declaring themselves ‘well pleased’ after visiting a pop-up Christmas Winter Wonderland in Peterborough. Dad, Peter, speaking on BBC Radio Essex said: ‘It was great, to be fair. We went expecting it to be useless so we could complain to […]

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