Homer Simpson ‘an offensive stereotype’ claims lazy fat dumbass|Humor

Popular American TV show The Simpsons is once again under fire, as its central character Homer has been described as undermining the hard work of  stupid fat men everywhere.  As one civil rights expert explained: ‘Nobody is helped by this stereotype.  It’s hard enough being Eamonn Holmes as it is’. ‘It’s not like no one […]

Happy Couple Embarrassed to Admit They Met Offline|Humor

Happy Couple Embarrassed to Admit They Met Offline|Humor

Jason and Carolyn are living proof that love can happen in mysterious ways – even offline. Sickeningly-sweet New York City couple, Jason Morley and Carolyn Shea, recently – and reluctantly – revealed to their friends that they met offline, rather than through an online dating site. “We actually met waiting in line at a coffee […]

Tennessee Man Awakens to Find Shoe on Other Foot|Humor

Tennessee Man Awakens to Find Shoe on Other Foot|Humor

The left shoe left behind (or possibly tossed into a tree) by Miller Bert Miller of Bon Aqua, Tennessee, recently awakened from a drunken stupor and fumbled for his shoe, only to find it on the other foot. “I’d heard about people getting wasted and doing stupid shit,” said Miller, “but it had never happened […]

Man Went To Bed Early|Humor

Man Went To Bed Early|Humor

When 40 winks starts to become 41… There were raised eyebrows in at least one household in the Battambang area last night, when an Englishman living in the locality declared he was “retiring early“, and trudged off up the stairs to bed. Moys Kenwood, 54, usually settles down for the night at around 10:30pm, but […]

Rudd denies knowing night follows day|Humor

Home Secretary Amber Rudd claims she had no idea that the hours of darkness – the hours that last from early evening to early morning (known as night) would be followed later by much brighter, more agreeable conditions that last from early morning to early evening (known as day). Rudd acknowledged there had been a […]

‘Can we have Kim Jong-un rather than Trump?’ UK diplomats ask|Humor

Faced with a Friday the 13th dinner date with Donald Trump in July, UK diplomats have asked if we could have a visitor that is more moderate, stable and with a more age-appropriate wife. With Emmanuel Macron thus eliminated from the running, serious consideration is now being given to North Korea’s Kim Jong-un, who in […]

Abba agree to rid charts of non-Swedish pop music|Humor

Members of Swedish power pop quartet Abba have agreed to end their 35-year standoff and work together to rid the charts and radio airwaves of all non-Swedish pop. The group met in a specially-constructed building halfway up Agnetha’s driveway, traditionally one of the tensest front lines in the world, in a bid to get the […]

New Study Finds That Punching Walls Hurts Your Hand|Humor

New Study Finds That Punching Walls Hurts Your Hand|Humor

A new study by the Center for National Studies has found that people who punch walls are likely to hurt their hands. This breakthrough research took the scientific community by surprise as it was previously believed that punching a hard, immovable object would have no impact at all on one’s health. “Never before has science […]

Terrified tourists stalked by tabloid journalists off Cornish coast|Humor

There were scenes of terror across the beaches of south-west England yesterday after a pod of tabloid sharks terrorised terrified tourists. ‘They were circling and looking at us,’ claimed one bikini-clad busty babe, Beverley, 19, whose hobbies are netball and naked yoga. ‘It was obvious they are obsessed with human flesh.’ The gigantic filth merchants […]

Evil republican plot foiled by arrival of royal baby|Humor

The Metropolitan Police are currently investigating a republican plot against the monarchy. This culminated in an evening of entertainment last Saturday so horrendous as to almost depress Her Majesty into abdicating. Fortunately, the arrival of yet another royal sprog two days later appears to have stabilised the situation for now. ‘We’ve suspected that such a […]