Corrie theme tune to be new national anthem|Humor

The signature tune to the much-loved soap opera Coronation Street will become Britain’s post-Brexit national anthem according to an announcement from Buckingham Palace. ‘We toyed with that and the signature tune to Eastenders in an attempt to find something that typified the new national mood,’ a palace spokesman said, ‘but Corrie definitely had the edge. […]

Britain unlikely to see full ‘Nigexit’ until 2028|Humor

Government negotiators, charged with loosening Nigel Farage’s tentacle-like grip on interminable political punditry, have warned that a full ‘Nigexit’ is unlikely until at least 2028. The news has come as a cruel blow to the many millions of Nigexiters who had assumed that by voting for the UK’s withdrawal from the European Union, the tiresome […]

Dog forced to wear Christmas outfit just waiting to bite owner|Humor

A dog forced to put on a Christmas jumper against its will is quietly waiting for the perfect moment to sink his teeth into its owner’s ankle. Six-year-old Miniature Schnauzer Barnaby Green made the decision to attack after he was forced into a knitted ‘Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer’ jumper-with-hat combo set. ‘I can’t decide […]

Nigel Farage is for life, not just for Brexit|Humor

Once cute and lovable, many feel that Mr. Farage has outgrown his welcome – gnawing his way through a sizable EU pension and defecating all over the press.  The RSPCA reports that many of Mr. Farage’s pledges have been heartlessly abandoned at the roadside; with many Leave campaigners having bought into his ideas, without realizing that […]

Burglars demand ‘more clarity’ about holiday plans from Facebook users|Humor

A spokesman for the burglar community says he appreciates that most Facebook users are ‘admirably candid’ about when the entire contents of their house are there for the taking.  He likes the way they go on for weeks about their upcoming trip abroad and tell their Facebook friends how their 85-year-old neighbour will be ‘keeping […]

Four injured in toenail-clipping accident|Humor

Paramedics have confirmed that four people were treated following a random toenail-clipping in Cheshire yesterday.  Three of the victims are members of the clipper’s family, while the fourth was walking past an open window and just happened to be ‘in the wrong place at the wrong time’, according to experts. ‘We have cautioned a man […]

Boeing unveil ‘mystery plane’ with adequate legroom|Humor

Boeing are set to reveal a revolutionary new plane, that has adequate space inside for adults. Aerospace engineer Chuck Colt Jr, 45, explained how the space required around each seat has for the first time been modelled on a grown-up human, rather than a stunted chimp.  ‘When the Wright brothers first flew their revolutionary plane, […]

Alien space ship had probably passed through UK car-wash say scientists|Humor

Scientists from UCL’s Mullard Space Science Laboratory in Dorking – currently tracking a mysterious cigar shaped vessel as it journeys through our Solar System – now think the distressed looking object may have passed through a car-wash. Scientists had originally thought the object was just an unusual shaped asteroid passing close to earth but now […]

Elvis impersonator admits 42nd birthday probably his last|Humor

As Elvis impersonator Robert Young enters his 43rd year, his commitment to faithfully mimicking his rock’n’roll idol is visibly taking its toll.  ‘I found it hard to match the King’s 26 stone, but by gorging on 25 hamburgers a day washed down by milkshakes, I finally made it’, he says. Determined to give a true […]