Americans Moving to Areas Likely Targeted During Nuclear War|Humor

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – According to recent census data, Americans are flocking to large cities, specifically ones that are likely targets during a nuclear attack. “Since the 2016 election, we’ve seen a sharp increase in people moving to cities that would be targeted first in a nuclear attack,” said U.S. Census Bureau representative, Kelly Zhou. […]

Winchester resident lays claim to mining rights in local pothole.|Humor

A Winchester local resident has filed a claim for mining rights in a pothole after it ate her Landrover Defender. Linda Holtby of Badger Farm laid claim to the hole near the traffic lights in Chilbolton Avenue after it rearranged her landing gear on Thursday evening. Winchester City Council have since filed a counter-claim with […]

Doctor who signed Jesus’ death certificate struck off|Humor

A doctor is facing professional ruin after a man he pronounced dead was later seen walking around Galilee in perfect health. The disgraced medic says that he didn’t have time to look closely at the alleged corpse before signing the papers, claiming he was ‘under pressure to meet targets’. He now admits, ‘I just looked […]

Back up your brain, but not now!|Humor

Scientists who are intellectually challenged, announced an important step forward today, this being that in 2 decades from now, when the vast majority of us, will be in wooden overcoats, we will be able to back up our brains! This startling announcement, was made by mad, but award winning, scientist Brainpond Hurtwell, who is 62 […]

David Blaine to take over at Facebook|Humor

Mark Zuckerberg is to replace Chris Cox as Facebook chief product officer with man of mystery David Blaine as the company prepares to face MPs in a parliamentary inquiry into data abuse. Zuckerberg, who took out full-page ads in UK and US newspapers recently to apologise for ‘not employing a more sophisticated method of stealing […]

Garden furniture refusing to come out|Humor

As spring has been delayed until 2020, sun loungers and parasols throughout the UK are unwilling to break their hibernation and emerge from the dark confines of the shed. No amount of coaxing can entice the furniture to come out; even with the promise of a rubdown with linseed oil, a new patio heater and […]

Government introduces vote recycling scheme|Humor

The government has announced that it is to introduce a vote recycling scheme. It is understood that votes may be recycled at the polling station where they were first cast, whereupon any member of the electorate doing this will be credited with an ounce of common sense and promised five pounds off their income tax. […]

Google car drives itself into wall after haranguing from test passenger|Humor

Google has had to go back to the drawing board after one of its self-drive cars carrying a test passenger appeared to have had a ‘priority instruction dislocation’ and driven itself into a wall. Analysis of data from the black-box recorder fitted in all self-drive cars has revealed the car’s logic circuits were placed under […]

Mystic Meg accused of crystal ball data mining|Humor

Millions of shocked Britons are looking for answers today after they learned their most intimate secrets were viewed and used for commercial gain by the veteran horoscope correspondent. Meg even brazenly gazes into their private lives in a crystal ball in her by-line photo. By meticulous study of the movements of the sun and planets, […]

Owen Smith sacked for ‘understanding the issues’|Humor

Allotment holder, Stalin impersonator and occasional Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has sacked shadow Northern Ireland Secretary, Owen Smith. This followed what was described as a ‘completely unparliamentary display of honesty’ by the Shadow Northern Ireland Secretary in suggesting that a second referendum on Brexit might not be such a bad idea after all, you […]

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