The nerve agent used to attack former Russian spy Sergi Skripal and his daughter may have links to a substance being developed in Somerset, revealed Home Secretary Amber Rudd today. An amber liquid found near the scene of the attack has now been traced back to the garden shed of Taunton taxi drivers Alf and Reg Perkins.

‘The cloudy liquid found in the Perkins’ shed and the nerve agent are almost certainly linked’ revealed an MI6 operative. ’They both give off a foul, acrid smell and share the same apple based signature. There are also the remains of an as yet unidentified mammal floating on top, it has to be more than just coincidence’.

‘Being found slumped on a bench in the park is a dead giveaway’, continues the operative. ‘That’s  how it affects all those who come into contact with it. We’ve seen it many times before. To anyone not used to it, the liquid is almost certainly lethal and with even small doses,  the side effects last for days’.

The liquid, with the code name ‘Old Ratcatcher’, was also found in the restaurant where the couple ate and was even being sold in pubs and restaurants across the south west region.
The cloudy, apple based nerve agent produced by the Perkins brothers is said to seriously alter speech patterns, causing temporary or long term blindness, loss of bodily functions and severe migraine. It also triggers vomiting and nausea, shaking, bouts of violence followed by self loathing and eventually leads to those affected developing blotchy skin and a big, red bulbous nose.
Side effects experienced by those affected by the nerve agent are also said to include expressing unremitting love for one another and repeatedly claiming you are their best friend.

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