NewsBiscuit has been trawling through the print and broadcast media and has gathered together some handy expressions and phrases that will help you to speak fluent Brexit.
Patriot – Us, and not You.
Traitor – Anyone upholding the rule of law, independence of the judiciary, or any aspect of the constitution, in a way we don’t like; at any rate it’s You, and not Us.
Man of the peeeeple – A land-owning ex banker who rubs shoulders with billionaires and flies to work in private jets, but he won’t pull me up on my casual racism.
58 impact assessments – 1 assessment, plagiarised from Wikipedia.
Meaningful vote – Ha ha ha!
Remoaner – Anyone with any difficult questions.
Project Fear – Concerns that we’re unable to assuage, but won’t entertain.
Take back control – Creating the illusion of control.
You lost, get over it – You lost, get over it, or there’s a very good chance of a second referendum you might win.
People’s Vote – Something we’ll lose if we allow people to think it’s a vote by the people, rather than MP’s, on the final deal and not just a re-run of the Referendum…”I think you mean 2nd People’s Referendum, Sonny, or are you saying we’re not ‘people’”.
What I’m hearing from people – I’m about to say something I’ve completely made up.
‘No Decision Even Worse Than No Deal’ – But we’re not going to let you, the people, make the decision on how we leave the EU, in case you make the wrong one.
Doing down Britain – Refusing to make unrealistic claims about our capabilities.
Shitegeist – Capturing the spirit and mood of the Brexit era.
Intergalactic clusterfuck – Brexit.
‘We’re taking back sovereignty’ – I’m saying something jingoistic but quite meaningless as I know it will play well with Daily Mail readers, Sky News viewers and other sundry knuckle-dragging morons.
‘No deal is a good deal for Britain’ – I am a disillusioned idiot and card-carrying little Englander.
‘We shall fight them on the beaches…’ – Oops, sorry. Wrong meeting…
‘Europe is desperate to trade with us’ – We are desperate to maintain our trading links with Europe. Oh Christ, what a total and monumental balls-up this has now become.
‘We want are country back’ – I have shit for brains.
Advisory – Legally binding
Taking back control – Remember the good old days
No-deal Brexit – Carry on as before, probably?
WTO rules – Wrestling jargon
European Research Group – The democratic champions of political integrity – ‘does exactly what it says on the tin’.
‘I never said it would be easy’ – Don’t look at my past speeches
£350M a week for the NHS – We are going to privatize the NHS
We’ll become a global economy – We’ll drop our trousers and bend over for the USA
The whole Nation will benefit – I’ll do very well, thank you.
Let’s show pride in Britain – I’m offshoring my money
We’ll become a high-tech economy = I’m moving my company to Singapore
I’m proud of my Blue British Passport – My children are getting German passports
My pubs reflect the best of British – I’m a drunken, pasty faced, fascist, Little Engerlander.
Have our cake and eat it – I have more cake than I could possibly eat, and I couldn’t care less if others lose what little cake they may have.
Everyone is more European-minded nowadays – I have no idea who my MEP is
‘What I’m hearing from people’ – I know someone who agrees with me.
‘What I’m hearing from people’ = Someone said something I can understand.
‘What I’m hearing from people’ – it’s nothing to do with me.
‘What I’m hearing from people’ – a party whip told me to say this.
‘What I’m hearing from people’ – my proposed strategy will satisfy at least one of the two people I once overheard arguing in a supermarket checkout queue.
‘What I’m hearing from people’ – my 13-year-old is studying for a GCSE in Government and Politics.
“A lot of people are saying…” = “I’m saying this a lot…”
‘We won’t have to obey EU laws’ = ‘I can’t name a single EU law I want to get rid of.’
Northern Irish Backstop- Secondary measure to prevent Mexican criminals from entering the UK from the EU.
Britons have had enough of experts – People who are this easily convinced by soundbites won’t notice when we treat them with absolute contempt.
Make Britain Great Again: Cant say when that actually was. Answers on a postcard please.
“Britons have had enough of experts” – That’s my expert opinion
‘Britain has had a long history of embracing immigration’ – I hate all foreigners.
‘I will go back to Brussels to renegotiate a good deal for the UK’ – Whaaaaaa! I want my Mum…
‘My door is always open…’ – I have completely run out of ideas.
No deal is better than a bad deal – We’ll never in a million years admit we’ve negotiated a bad deal.
“Brexit means Brexit” – no, I don’t know either, but it sounds like I do
“Taking back Control” – I want to watch Countdown
“No deal for Britain is better than a bad deal for Britain” – “A bad deal for Britain is better than no deal for Britain”
“Brexit means Brexit does mean Brexit” – nope, still don’t know.
Democracy – voting once in a referendum, then banning all referenda.
Easiest deal in history – I’ve never negotiated an FTA before, how hard can it be?
Confidence & Supply Agreement – we’re paying the DUP £2b so they can hold us to ransom.
Getting on with Brexit – Kicking that can o’ worms as far down the road as I possibly can.
Additional contributions from:
Smart Alex – Sinnick – Chipchase – Crayon – APepper – beau-jolly – Al OPecia – Titus – Dick Everyman – Newsdesk – tonymc-81