NewsBiscuit has been trawling through the print and broadcast media and has gathered together some handy expressions and phrases that will help you to speak fluent Brexit.

Patriot – Us, and not You.

Traitor – Anyone upholding the rule of law, independence of the judiciary, or any aspect of the constitution, in a way we don’t like; at any rate it’s You, and not Us.

Man of the peeeeple – A land-owning ex banker who rubs shoulders with billionaires and flies to work in private jets, but he won’t pull me up on my casual racism.

58 impact assessments – 1 assessment, plagiarised from Wikipedia.

Meaningful vote – Ha ha ha!

Remoaner – Anyone with any difficult questions.

Project Fear – Concerns that we’re unable to assuage, but won’t entertain.

Take back control – Creating the illusion of control.

You lost, get over it – You lost, get over it, or there’s a very good chance of a second referendum you might win.

People’s Vote – Something we’ll lose if we allow people to think it’s a vote by the people, rather than MP’s, on the final deal and not just a re-run of the Referendum…”I think you mean 2nd People’s Referendum, Sonny, or are you saying we’re not ‘people’”.

What I’m hearing from people – I’m about to say something I’ve completely made up.

‘No Decision Even Worse Than No Deal’ – But we’re not going to let you, the people, make the decision on how we leave the EU, in case you make the wrong one.

Doing down Britain – Refusing to make unrealistic claims about our capabilities.

Shitegeist – Capturing the spirit and mood of the Brexit era.

Intergalactic clusterfuck – Brexit.

‘We’re taking back sovereignty’ – I’m saying something jingoistic but quite meaningless as I know it will play well with Daily Mail readers, Sky News viewers and other sundry knuckle-dragging morons.

‘No deal is a good deal for Britain’ – I am a disillusioned idiot and card-carrying little Englander.

‘We shall fight them on the beaches…’ – Oops, sorry. Wrong meeting…

‘Europe is desperate to trade with us’ – We are desperate to maintain our trading links with Europe. Oh Christ, what a total and monumental balls-up this has now become.

‘We want are country back’ – I have shit for brains.

Advisory – Legally binding

Taking back control – Remember the good old days

No-deal Brexit – Carry on as before, probably?

WTO rules – Wrestling jargon

European Research Group – The democratic champions of political integrity – ‘does exactly what it says on the tin’.

‘I never said it would be easy’ – Don’t look at my past speeches

£350M a week for the NHS – We are going to privatize the NHS

We’ll become a global economy – We’ll drop our trousers and bend over for the USA

The whole Nation will benefit – I’ll do very well, thank you.

Let’s show pride in Britain – I’m offshoring my money

We’ll become a high-tech economy = I’m moving my company to Singapore

I’m proud of my Blue British Passport – My children are getting German passports

My pubs reflect the best of British – I’m a drunken, pasty faced, fascist, Little Engerlander.

Have our cake and eat it – I have more cake than I could possibly eat, and I couldn’t care less if others lose what little cake they may have.

Everyone is more European-minded nowadays – I have no idea who my MEP is

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – I know someone who agrees with me.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ = Someone said something I can understand.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – it’s nothing to do with me.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – a party whip told me to say this.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – my proposed strategy will satisfy at least one of the two people I once overheard arguing in a supermarket checkout queue.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – my 13-year-old is studying for a GCSE in Government and Politics.

“A lot of people are saying…” = “I’m saying this a lot…”

‘We won’t have to obey EU laws’ = ‘I can’t name a single EU law I want to get rid of.’

Northern Irish Backstop- Secondary measure to prevent Mexican criminals from entering the UK from the EU.

Britons have had enough of experts – People who are this easily convinced by soundbites won’t notice when we treat them with absolute contempt.

Make Britain Great Again: Cant say when that actually was. Answers on a postcard please.

“Britons have had enough of experts” – That’s my expert opinion

‘Britain has had a long history of embracing immigration’ – I hate all foreigners.

‘I will go back to Brussels to renegotiate a good deal for the UK’ – Whaaaaaa! I want my Mum…

‘My door is always open…’ – I have completely run out of ideas.

No deal is better than a bad deal – We’ll never in a million years admit we’ve negotiated a bad deal.

“Brexit means Brexit” – no, I don’t know either, but it sounds like I do

“Taking back Control” – I want to watch Countdown

“No deal for Britain is better than a bad deal for Britain” – “A bad deal for Britain is better than no deal for Britain”

“Brexit means Brexit does mean Brexit” – nope, still don’t know.

Democracy – voting once in a referendum, then banning all referenda.

Easiest deal in history – I’ve never negotiated an FTA before, how hard can it be?

Confidence & Supply Agreement – we’re paying the DUP £2b so they can hold us to ransom.

Getting on with Brexit – Kicking that can o’ worms as far down the road as I possibly can.

Additional contributions from:

Smart Alex  – Sinnick – Chipchase – Crayon – APepper – beau-jolly –  Al OPecia – Titus – Dick Everyman – Newsdesk – tonymc-81 

Let’s block ads! (Why?)

NewsBiscuit

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You may also like

Powered by WP Robot