The World has owned up to having a ‘bit of a gambling problem’ as it rather sheepishly reflects on a £4 Trillion blowout and wonders how on earth it is going to tell the Missus. ‘It’s blown the whole grocery budget for the week to be honest. I could try telling her it was a heavy session down the pub… but four trillion’s a fair few pints. I don’t think she’ll buy it.’
‘Bad week on the gambles…dropped Four Trillion odd’, was how The World itself put it in a tweet, as it vowed to seek help and never gamble again, or at least until the markets opened again in Tokyo.
‘Yeah I should probably stop’, said The World bravely, ‘or at least limit myself to a few quid on the greyhounds and the occasional £5 acca on the footy, but I reckon I can get it all back on multi-billion pound deals on the world financial markets!’
In classic problem gambler behaviour The World sought to pin the blame elsewhere. ‘I blame that nasty Donald Trump actually…he’s enabling me by talking absolute bollocks, cutting regulations and playing up to my greedy side. He’s just an absolute bastard really.’
Behavioural Psychologist Professor Alan Kleinvort cautioned: ‘The World needed to stop being a useless twat. The World needs to face up to its problems like a real planet. It’s already warming up too quickly, is choked up with plastics and all sorts of other shit, and dropping 4 trillion quid in a gambling frenzy is, well, f**king stupid to be frank.’