Officials believe that fire in Notre Dame Cathedral may have been started by a dissatisfied bell-ringer, aggrieved by his mediaeval working conditions and lack of orthopaedic chairs. A Mr Q. Modo is being sort for questioning about the arson attack and whereabouts of various gypsy girls. There is also a suggestion that the culprit may have been driven to this act by an incessant ringing noise, couple with incurable tinnitus.

The first thought was that the destruction of the 850-year-old building may have been part of the ‘Yellow Jacket’ protests or attempt by the Pope to destroy incriminating records of abuse. Either way we are now left with only one eye-watering Parisian landmark – a €30 cup of artisan coffee on the Champs-Elysées. Police added that Mr Modo’s guilt was not fully established and they only are acting on a hunch.

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