True to form, the British Government has announced a roll out of apathy and incompetence throughout the land. By the end of March they expect to have achieved 100% inoculation against actually caring, about what the hell is going on.

A Minister explained: ‘Rather than get bogged down in the nitty gritty of tackling Covid or economic disasters, we’ve opted to be unconcerned, to the point of apathy. In words of Rhett Butler: ‘Frankly my dear, I just don’t give a f$ ck’.’

The official policy will be to be sorry but not sorry, which has been endorsed by Keir Starmer and which is everyone else’s fault, but his. Boris Johnson will address the nation and tell them to get over themselves, followed by a yawn.

The ONS has calculated that the number of f$ cks in circulation is less than one. To which one, unfazed, Health Official remarked: ‘Whatevs’.

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