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UFOs are great, but not when your tea's on the table!

A drone that was sighted flying near Heathrow Airport yesterday was not being operated by an irresponsible moron from the droning community, and was a UFO, says a man who knows what he is talking about.

The UFO was seen by several members of the public at 5:05pm (teatime) last night. But, the UFO didn't get skittish, and fly off in a panic like they usually do. A bloke who works for the BBC was driving past Heathrow on the M25 at about 5:45pm, when he saw the UFO. He said:

"I stopped the car. I could see, I'd say around 300 feet up, very bright, stationary flashing blue and white lights, over the Harmondsworth area. I could tell it was a UFO – they tend to have quite distinctive lights."

He was quick to dispel any wild authority claims that it was anything other than a UFO:

"It was not a helicopter, or the usual clap-trap trotted-out about weather balloons. The lights were very close together. It was a very clear night, and the object was stationary, it was turning very, very slightly, and making a low, humming noise. I could see it very clearly, I'd say for about four to five minutes."

He said he became transfixed:

"As I stood there, I felt a strange compulsion to climb aboard. It was as if the craft were speaking to my mind, you know, like messing with my brain. Almost as if the beings on board were 'rinsing' my brain. Eventually, of course, having been at work all day, and being both tired and hungry, I buggered off home for my tea."

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