After a whole year in charge of the Labour Party, Starmer has finally made it out of the instruction manual phase and can focus on what all this opposition malarky is all about. Taking a full 12 months to work out how to take the wrapping off may seem like slow going, but Sir Keir once took seven years to master his own thermostat.
The tutorial mode has certain fail-safes in place, meaning no matter how bad your errors, the press will be relatively gentle with you and there no need to respawn as a war criminal. Subsequently, we have overlooked the times Starmer Brylcreemed his own face, when he used his knighthood to get disabled parking or that time he turned up at PMQs dressed as a Dodo.
Any Labour Leader will acquire additional powers as they level up. Some of the key progression points are:
Level 1: Tying your own shoelaces.
Level 10: Learn that Rupert Murdoch is not your friend.
Level 999: Found the NHS.
It should be noted that most politicians rarely reach level 10.
Taking off the stabilizers and putting on his ‘big boy pants’ have been significant steps for someone who is only 58. A colleague explained: ‘Keith (sic) finally removed his ‘L plate’ – and he promises to get rid of the ‘ABOUR’ bit as well.
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