Mike Davies, the man in seat 35E on a 12-hour flight from a London to Hong Kong, has no call on any part of the armrests on his left or right. This was communicated to him through the medium of the right elbow of the lady in 35D and the left forearm of the burly man overspilling from 36F. ‘Despite his exaggerated arm stretches, numerous toilet trips, and aggressive movements of his food tray upwards and downwards to try, Mike has no statutory rights to any lateral space,’ confirmed Thelma, lead air hostess.

‘His cynical and obvious attempt to gain some footroom by pretending to do some anti-DVT exercises about four hours into the flight didn’t wash with me either’, sniffed Steve, the burly guy in 36F, while stretching his arms up and placing his sweaty pits within an inch of Mike’s right nostril. Meanwhile, the toddler in seat 36E has confirmed that Mike is entitled to the constant, irregular thud of his foot in the back of his seat for the whole journey and the occupant of 34E helpfully reclined his seat within a minute of the fasten seatbelt sign going off.

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