A man who didn’t particularly want to attend a wedding party next door to his home tonight, has revealed how he spent all day praying for a torrential downpour of rain so that the event would have to be called off.

Moys Kenwood, 57, has already been invited to, and endured, several Khmer wedding parties during the four years he’s been in Cambodia, but he doesn’t enjoy them. He said:

“They’re murder. There is only ever piss-weak beer, shit loud music, and dancing that is a cross between Thai finger dancing, and people walking around a circular table.”

Is there food? You bet there is!

“Rice and rice. And rice. Supplemented by various grave-looking pots of dark wet stuff, with what look like twigs sticking out.”

Kenwood’s dread of attending these events haunts him so much, that he decided it would be worthwhile trying to call for divine intervention.

He attempted to summon up the heads of all the well-known religions, but the sky stayed a cloudless blue. He tried some ancient pagan worship – in vain. The sun continued to beat down.

In desperation, he asked his wife if she would take him to the Boran, a ‘medium’ or ‘psychic’ who purports to be able to do all kinds of supernatural things with playing cards, candles and incense.

Especially if you give her money. The more money given to the Boran, the closer she gets to giving you whatever it is that you want, though, importantly, you never quite get it.

His wife refused, perhaps guessing what was on his mind, having watched him for the last three hours.

When no rain arrived, the couple turned up at the party, had some Sprite and a terrible time, then left at 10:15pm.

At about 10:30pm, the heavens opened, and it siled down.

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