OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.
“I’m sick and tired of being discriminated against ‘cus I’m a red blooded American, White Male,” said Waters. “White men are the most discriminated group in history.”
Waters first heard about Schriber’s sleepover while eavesdropping on a conversation between Schriber and her mother at Dairy Queen.
“I heard a kid talking to her mom about all the cool shit she was wanted to do at her party and I was like ‘hey, I wanna do that shit!’” said Waters. “(Schriber) was tellin’ her mom that, like, she was gonna have candy and they were going to play games and then her mom was going to make pancakes in the morning, except for Catniss who is gluten free and also allergic to oranges. I like pancakes. And I ain’t got nothin’ else going on so I could go to the party. But I ain’t no creep. I don’t want to go be, like a creep and shit. I just like candy and games and pancakes. And I like putting on makeup.”
When asked if he could attend the sleepover Schriber and her mother, Tasha Schriber, told Waters that the sleep over was for girls only.
“I was talking with my daughter about what she wanted to do for her sleep over party and all of a sudden this weirdo in the next booth, who was sitting there alone eating four banana splits, turns around… and he had chocolate sauce all over his face and his fingers… and the weirdo asks what time the party is and where do we live. What the heck?” said Tasha Schriber. ”I just ignored him but Lara told him that he wasn’t invited and that it was for girls only. He turned around but then a couple minutes later he turned back around and told us it was bull-crap and that he was going to sue us. And now he’s suing us.”
Schriber’s parents support her decision to keep the planned sleepover “all girls”.
“I think that if my daughter doesn’t want creepy 27-year-old men at her party she shouldn’t have to have creepy 27-year-old men at her birthday party,” said Schriber’s father Sean Schriber. “I’m a liberal guy, I voted for Bernie (Sanders) and I’m all for equal rights and everything but… I just don’t want a creepy 27-year-old guy hanging out in my daughter’s bedroom all night. Unless he’s rich. From all accounts, this guy wasn’t rich.”
Waters’ lawyer, Kirk Munster, said Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover policy is a direct violation of Waters’ rights as an American, White Male to do whatever he wants.
“This could not be a more clear example of discrimination. My client wants to go to a little girl’s party and he can’t because he is a man,” said Munster. “To me, this is absolutely disgusting. I mean, if a woman had tried to go to a men’s only party, the left would have been all over it, trying to force her way into it. But no, with the roles reversed, my client can’t attend. This is where we are as a country. An average white male can’t go wherever he wants, and that’s bullshit.”
Waters has received a large amount of support from other men on the internet with some suggesting that Waters sue former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and write a letter of appeal to President Trump.
“Fuck that sue the asses!” said Reddit user DickfartButt69. “This is Hillarys fault. Lock her up! Trump will fix it!”