Westminster residents have been warned to remain vigilant and call the emergency services immediately if approached by a man trying to force his hot white fluid on them. Authorities are trying to track down Sir Charles Walker MP, who was last seen ‘attempting to leave nearly an armful in a local woman’s back passage.’

In what is a confusing contradiction to their warning to residents, the Police have also urged the public not to leave Charles Walker unattended, as he might go off.

Head of the Met’s Special Services division and former Bomb Squad Supremo, Helmut Schmidt confirmed that, ‘Under no circumstances should warm milk and Froot Loops by mixed.’ Schmidt added, ‘Jokes about cereal killers should also be avoided at all costs.’

The dairy industry has lobbied government to ensure that substandard homemade yoghurt does not flood the market. In response to a substantial donation to the Conservative Party, Home Secretary Priti Patel has raised the threat level to a sort of yellowy sick colour.

Hat tip Sinnick

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