Sports Direct will close its doors after all today, after Government officials provided clarification that the company’s gallon sized branded mugs were not an essential item to help people through the coronavirus. Mike Ashley had claimed that each of his oversize mugs could be used as a temporary hospital, housing up to 500 coronavirus patients each, with thousands of Slazenger polo tops (mostly orange and grey, XXL size only) used to provide makeshift bed linen.
Size 13 generic Lonsdale training shoes, in off white, packs of 200 Dunlop golf tees, and plastic plants that sing at you when you clap your hands were also non-essential, said chief government scientific officer, Sir Patrick Vallance. And, no thanks, he didn’t need a 99p bag to put his purchases in, he confirmed.
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