Theresa May has outlined her plans for solving both the funding needs problem of the NHS and the future of the environment. From 2019 colostomy bags used in England and Wales will be subject to a 5p charge and a 25p deposit will be applied to plastic urinal bottles. All money raised will be recycled back into the NHS leaving much needed tax payers’ money to be used for more important initiatives such as compensating landowners in the path of HS2, the modernisation of Westminster Hall and more Trident missiles.
Speaking from a platform of discarded shopping trollies and car tyres at the London Wetland Centre, the Prime Minister denounced calls for extra funding for the NHS and proposed new ways of funding which would benefit both patients and the environment alike. ‘Sea mammals including dolphins and turtles will no longer be subjected to dying in NHS corridors or flapping around and clogging up hospital beds, which is good news for local communities and other forms of pond life.
We have proved that recycling works as evidenced by the recent recycling of Jeremy Hunt who has got a minimum of 500 years ministerial life in front of him as it will take that much time for him to decompose.’
Rumours that the Secretary of State for Health is to levy a 5p charge on NHS body bags during the much anticipated flu-crisis have yet to be confirmed.
Hat Tip to Crayon
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