Theresa May intensified pressure on the Kremlin today by expelling their top agent, Jheremyovich Corbyn, from the UK. Following on from the expulsion of 23 Russian diplomats, and in anticipation of tit-for-tat expulsions by the Kremlin, Corbyn has been given 1 week to pack his bags and head back to the Motherland, so he can honour all his remaining commitments to the Russia Today TV network.

Corbyn reacted angrily, and said the UK would be ‘for it’ once he’d had a word with Vlad. He was upset at his cover being blown, but admitted his appointments of John McDonnell and Dianne Abbot to senior posts in the Labour Party was a bit of a giveaway.

Corbyn said it had been a good run as a deep cover, ‘long game’ agent and he never dreamed he’d get to within a few thousand gullible millennial votes from Downing Street. ‘It’s been a tough road pretending to be a patriot who loves Britain, and let’s face it, I’ve done a pretty shit job of it.’

He was looking forward to a hero’s welcome in Red Square, hearing 60,000 Russians chanting ‘ooooh Jheremyovich Corbynski,’ and being elected Deputy-President in the upcoming free and fair Russian elections.

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