Today, members of the Cabinet swap positions for the best view of the historic sinking of HMS Austerity, while the band continues to play ‘Nearer, My Brexit, to Thee’. With a huge electoral iceberg looming ahead, the Prime Minister has promised front row seats for anyone suffering from morbid curiosity or just too much David Davis.
Most Ministers will be using Boris Johnson as a buoyancy aid, while a few others have lifeboats in the form of sizeable pensions and directorships. At the same time, the only people going down with the ship are all the ‘plebs in second class’ – which covers 99% of the UK population.
Only two years ago Theresa May was launched with the nickname of ‘unsinkable’, but after a few TV performances was relabelled ‘uncomfortable, underwhelming and unqualified’. James Cameroon is said to be interested in making a film about this – called ‘True Lies 2’.
Sadly, the vessel itself had been leaking from the start, similar to HMS Queen Elizabeth, Stoke City’s defense or Michael Gove after a few sherries. Ultimately Mrs May needs to appoint a Cabinet team used to facing inevitable defeat and humiliation – fortunately England’s Ashes team will just be back shortly.
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