Ah, bite me!
The long held belief that alligators avoid eating clowns because “they taste funny” has been challenged by a new poll.
Of the thousand man-eating alligators that participated in the survey 58% stated that they really didn’t care if a human was a clown or as one reptile put it “some regular sack of treats skinny dipping in a marsh.”
The poll even found that 13% of the scaly beasts actually would seek out a clown if the opportunity presented itself.
Florida Alligator, Toothy McBitesenheimer gave us some insight for his personal preference for clowns.
“I can’t get enough of those noses!” the enthusiastic animal exclaimed. “Usually we just wolf down things whole, but that squeaky nose is so chewy it makes eating clowns a lot more fun, I think.”
Other alligators disagreed. Snagly O’Dundeechops, an Australian crocodile said, “I try to avoid them creepy blokes if they come around. I get why they don’t seem very popular with their mates.”
Some even sighted health risks for avoiding the divisive reptile snack.
“I had a friend that choked to death on one of those ridiculous shoes,” Rocko Sneakattack said. “Even if you get past those awful death traps you still have all that crazy billowing clothing to get around. Those weird neck ruffles are no picnic to swallow, I can tell you.”
Ralph Smith, a South American Kaiman from the Amazon said that he doesn’t mind most of the inconvenience tied to eating clowns, but there is one aspect of the experience that he cannot abide.
“That chalky aftertaste,” he said. “Some gators can’t stand getting that white stuff all over their jaws, but to me, that’s like a human complaining about having orange stuff on their fingers after eating some cheetohs. But that clown make-up… I’m telling you even if I could get my claws on some mountain dew I doubt it could wash that nasty taste out of my mouth!”
As the poll suggests, if the opportunity presents itself most alligators will eat you if they get the chance, clown or not as Coldskin O’growleran so succinctly explains.
“Yeah, some of that stuff sucks to get stuck in your craw, but there ain’t nothing there that a good death roll isn’t going to take care of.”