Ayrshire, Scotland (Hole-In-One/Ass Mess) – The woman who sold Turdberry Golf Course to Donald T Rump has complained to Scotland’s Crap Sports Authority about curling stone-sized deposits festooning the putting green.
The move comes after dozens of steaming 40lb lumps bearing official Royal Rump Golf insignia appeared overnight at the course’s legendary filth – eh, fifth – hole, in what locals claim is a low budget eco-landscaping decision.
“Including one nicknamed ‘Ivanka’ by groundsmen,” Ayrshire resident Sir Haggis McSporran commented, “on account of an iffy aroma and toxic gleam.”
Officials were downplaying the situation this morning despite the mounting furore about ‘bits of undigested hamburger’ discovered infiltrating the area’s fabled spring-water table.
And poisoning new-born baby lambkins at nearby McShaggers Wind Farm that powers the golf course’s greed energy turdbines.
Jared Kushner’s proctologist is 104.