BILLINGSGATE POST: The good, the bad and the ugly: Slim Everdingle has seen it all. But, after reviewing the twenty-plus candidates who aspire to run against Donald Trump for the presidency, only one – Pocahontas – put arrows in his quiver.

The old adage, “Never judge a squaw until you have walked in her moccasins for two moons,” has provided Slim with the insight to make his choice of Pocahontas a logical one in accordance with Aristotelian tradition.

Elizabeth Susquash Warren, the only remaining member of an albino Native American Indian tribe long thought to be extinct, has distinctive high cheek bones normally found on crustaceans such as lobsters, crabs and barnacles. Using this skeletal feature as a symbol of her heritage, she parlayed it into a tenured position at Harvard University.

Harvard, long thought to be a last chance refuge for students unable to be admitted into a good state school, had never hired a woman with high cheek bones. Looking to become more inclusionary, they jumped on the opportunity to hire Pocahontas. Using her prestigious position at Harvard as a stepping stone, she is now serving as the senior United States Senator from Massachusetts.

Slim, not one to suffer fools lightly, deliberately made an exception when he decided to back Pocahontas.

“It’s high time that we had a president who can rise above partisan politics. Her bat wings will singularly allow her to hover over the divisive scrums that threaten the homogenization of our Nation.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Levitation is always good for the soul.”

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