Hurricane Dorian, the second strongest of its kind recorded in the Atlantic region, was reported to be “shocked and disgusted” at the human population for giving it such an embarrassing name.

‘I started out as a mild mannered category three, fumed the super storm, ‘but after I heard what those idiots down there called me, well, I decided to flex my muscles at a bit.’

Gusting up to 175 mph with torrential rain, Dorian deliberately slowed his pace of travel to a snail-like 5mph to ensure the population of the Bahamas witnessed what a big, strong natural disaster he really is. ‘I need to teach those meteorologists a lesson,’ added Dorian. ‘Maybe next time they’ll show more respect and give me a more macho name. Something like Dexter would do just fine.’

‘At press time Dorian was heading towards the US coast, promising to “beat the shit” out of anyone who stands in his way. ‘I’ve heard there’s some prick there called Donald who wants to chuck a nuclear bomb at me,’ said Dorian. ‘Tell him to bring it on. I’m coming for him!’

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