A massive witch has loudly complained about a perceived witch-hunt, intended to prove that he’s a witch, just because he is a witch. ‘This is the biggest witch-hunt in history,’ claimed Tonald Drump, a witch wearing a pointy hat and stirring a bubbling cauldron.The allegations of witchcraft centre around witnesses having seen Drump carrying out acts associated with witches, Drump himself boasting of being a witch, and having performed actual witchcraft in public.

‘If it looks like a witch, sounds like a witch, and repeatedly acts like a witch, even while claiming it isn’t a witch, then it is probably a witch.” explained Jonathan Williams, an expert on witches. ‘Fortunately for Drump, the trial to determine whether he is a witch or not will be carried out by a load of his mates, who wouldn’t find him guilty even if he flew into the courtroom on a broomstick and turned them all into frogs. They’d just croak out ‘innocent’ or whatever the closest noise to that a frog can make is.’

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