London, UK – (Trompe l’Oeil Mess): A lethal fungal eruption on Woody Johnson’s lush front turd – uh, turf – has thrown into doubt next month’s Trump visit the US embassy’s resident toxicologist said today.
Spores from the ‘Trompette de la Mort’ (Trump Ate of the Dead) mushrooms appeared overnight at the Regent’s Park residence amid reports the deadly infestation had already flared.
“We’ve found Craterellus cornucopioides – or horn of plenty** – fungus in the Presidential Suite bidet,” Johnson’s spokesperson told Spoof website reporters as secret service agents sprayed DDT all over the mansion’s plant room.
The outbreak is being traced back to a recent visit to Queen Elizabeth’s, where she described Donald Trump as her ‘great chum’ and a ‘fun guy’.
A six-month quarantine period will now be observed.
** The Horn of Plenty is an ancient Greek dildo attributed to Nymph Amalthea’s humungous goat horn that packed itself with whatever meat or drink a user wanted
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