BILLINGSGATE POST: Apparently, no one wants to service a wimp. United 72 Virgins For Martyrs Union, issued the following statement upon hearing that ISIS leader al-Baghdadi died like a dog this weekend:

Bylaw No 46.1: We don’t do whimpering martyrs who use their own children as shields.
Bylaw No 46.2. We don’t do pencil-neck dudes or no-head stiffs.

“Application for services denied.”

Not since Osama bin Laden died under similar circumstances, has the Union denied services to a fallen warrior. Bin Laden also used one of his wives as a shield before he was decommissioned by the SEALS during a raid personally led by President Barack Hussein Obama in 2011.

In support of the 72 Virgins For Martyrs, Congresswomen Ilhan Omar stated: “But for the fact I married my brother, I might have been one of them. I stand behind my sistas.”

Slim: “Marrying your brother has consequences.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Who would want to hose a headless stiff or a pencil-neck like Adam Schiff?”

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