A defrosted HSBC customer who rang a helpline in 1971 claims to have finally gotten through to someone. The customer rang the bank to ask about decimalisation and was put on hold. After pressing ‘3’ to become cryogenically frozen in liquid nitrogen, she spent the next 50 years waiting for someone to pick up. Jane Crimmock, an avid Donny Osmond fan, was defrosted last week when she became number 253 in the queue.

The delighted customer said: ‘They were experiencing a particularly high volume of calls due to joining the European Common Market. Unfortunately, the cryogenic process has damaged some of my brain tissue and I’ve forgotten what it was I called up about. I thought my mum would kill me when she saw the phone bill, but luckily she died during the Falklands War. Have we joined the Common Market yet?’

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