In a carefully worded communication, the government has provided explicit and unambiguous permission to UK residents to start thinking about booking holidays. ‘Imagine walking into a travel agency, dreaming about perusing brochures. You may even consider using a VR headset to simulate the experience of signing paperwork, committing to spending thousands of pounds on your credit card that you can’t afford, in the full knowledge that you have no comeback if the pandemic reverses again,’ said a government spokesman, ‘but for Christ’s sake, don’t actually do it.’

Britons are also encouraged to fantasise about going out for a pint, watching a football match or being led by a cabinet absent of donkeys. ‘Enjoy the experience; just don’t get too excited because it ain’t going to happen,’ the spokesman added.

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