The Spanish seaside resort of Magaluf is inundated with Americans preparing for the second coming of their former president, it was reported yesterday. ‘Why here?’ said Stephanie Greene of Davenport, Iowa. ‘Q said we get to ‘Make America Great Again, Less Up-Fucked’. MAGALUF! You know what? This mythical place actually exists – on a MAP! Read the signs! Do you think we’re stupid or something?’
Around two thousand Americans are believed to have applied for passports, headed abroad, and hunkered down to await the return of their Lord and Saviour, the one, true Commander In Chief.
‘Trump’s gonna lead us back to the Promised Land and retake our country from the Commie Lizardmen’ said Brian Mulder, professional Pokemon player and NRA member. ‘Wish he’d chosen somewhere closer to Arizona, though. Too many Hispanics here for my liking, not enough guns. And what language do these people speak? Everyone shouts ‘lubberly jubberly, full English’ at us.’
Many exiles arrived with only a few dollars in their pockets, and some wonder how long they can survive without finding employment. Q’s 8Chan board has posted vacancies in the club rep, DJ and drunk tank sectors, provided that the ‘hottest venue in town, the QAnon Qlub’ gets a gun licence.
‘I can’t think about jobs right now, I’m on ‘hunt the pedo’ duties’ said Ms Green. They’re hiding in the hills, and there’s this totally cool ‘Pedo Map’ Q’s given us. It’s shaped like a golf course!’
The QAnon map instructs the faithful to ‘dig for pedos where X marks the first bunker, move the spoil heap to where the Anglo-Saxon rune denotes the second tee, and pat down until level. Keep going until you’ve found 19 pedos, then flush the remainder from their vast underground tunnel network, shown by the lake symbol’.
The QAnon group are not the only US citizens heading to Europe, with the Trumps reportedly seeking asylum in the land of their forefathers. “Great people, the Germans, great people” said a source close to the Donald. “They do business, they speak Engerlish as gooderly as me, and they totally get strong leaders with complicated election landslide issues. What’s not to like?’
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