A damning report into Google failing to monitor fake reviews, has itself been given a ‘thumbs down’ in twelve million comments by an influential reviewer called @GoogleMarketingDepartment96. Despite the Competition and Markets Authority saying how damning this revelation is, one reviewer (@GoogleCEO) remarked: ‘Nothing to see here, move along’.

There were accusations of businesses buying up fake reviews – which explains how ‘Cats’ the Musical still runs and why James Corden exists. Said one dubious review: ‘I would use White Star Line for all my transatlantic crossings, they have faultless navigation and always enough lifeboats’.

Other five-stars were given to Operation Barbarossa, Crystal Pepsi and the UK’s Track and Trace system. One reviewer claimed: ‘Captain Scott’s tour of the Antarctic was wonderful and have to say the entire expedition was an overwhelming success. Weather absolutely scorching – remember to pack your bikini’.

A Google spokeswoman went on to clarify that they offered a ‘five-star’ service in misleading consumers. Only one comment gave one star for Google as a search engine and that was from a Mr.Yahoo (UK).

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