Lausanne, Switzerland. Exclusive to The Spoof. The Inter-National Evaluators of Passenger Traffic today awarded their infamous INEPT prize to Tuva Air for its persistently low rankings in on-time arrival, baggage loss, passenger satisfaction, and frequency of flight cancellations. No other airline came close in any of the categories to Tuva, which flies out of its namesake Asian country.
Tuva’s only international flight is from Kyzyl to Paris. The airline’s TV commercial slogan, “Experience the Wonder,” precisely describes passenger response to most flights:
Passengers wonder why a non-stop plane lands four times before reaching its destination.
Passengers wonder why, when boarding, a smiling flight attendant hands them an oversized paper cup – with lid – in case, as it frequently turns out, the only toilet malfunctions,
They also wonder why a daylight flight usually becomes a red-eye.
And those arriving from Paris wonder where their suitcases are, as they merrily go round the always-stalled luggage merry-go-round in the Kyzyl baggage area, finally realizing it is still at the Paris airport awaiting the next every-other-day flight to Tuva.
On rare occasions, the wonder is that none of this happens.
This is the fourth consecutive year that Tuva Air has won the coveted perpetual award, which will be Tuva’s permanently if they win, as expected, next year.
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