In an effort to attract more viewers to their coverage of football matches being staged purely for the benefit of TV, Sky Sports are offering viewers the choice of blanking out Gary Neville’s inane, miserable punditry. This option will be available either with or without the recently introduced facility of either listening to an empty stadium or adding the fake background crowd noise stolen from the PlayStation game FIFA12.

In addition to his totally biased commentary against anyone that is not Manchester United, Gary Neville is also known for sucking all the joy out of the beautiful game with his dour criticism of defenders and goalkeepers failing to keep out wonderful goals created by elegant artistry, pace and skill.

‘It’s all about customer choice,’ explained a Sky spokesman. ‘And if you think watching football being played in an empty stadium is depressing enough, you no longer have to add to that misery by listening to a whining nasal Manc going on and on about the second best team in Manchester all the time.’

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