Police were called today to a Waitrose store in the leafy London suburb of Barnes when a customer allegedly kicked off after he had put the green token he received at the till into one of the three charity boxes The man, who was later identified as Damian Styles an unemployed Bosun’s Mate from Kew, was heard ranting, ‘I’ve been playing these machines for over five years and I’ve never won fucking thing yet. They’re bloody rigged!’

The man was tasered and taken away, but store manager Neil Morris said: ‘It was very upsetting for the ladies in the sushi aisle. Frankly, I blame this kind of behaviour on the introduction of our Essentials range. That’s when the rot set in. We’re now clearly attracting the wrong sort of customer.’

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